Ok, so you closed your first cougar. Congratulations! Now Whe Learn how to keep a Relationship with a Cougar
Luckily for you, the “upkeep” and “maintenance” of sleeping with a cougar is very minimal compared to younger women. With older women, you rarely have to spend any money after the first time you have sex. The rest is just you going to her place, or she coming to your place. You also generally don’t have many complaints about “How come we’re only hanging out at your place and not going out?”
However, your relationship with her is not immune to these issues. The expectations are far, far lower than what you would have coming from a 23 year-old woman, but they can still creep up.
I would say that every booty-call relationship has an expiration date. By maintaining the practices I am teaching you in this chapter, I have been able to keep many cougar relationships going for six months. Still, they always expire at some point, and this is not a bad thing. “Real” dating relationships have expiration dates as well. Even marriages run out of gas over half of the time.
With these rules, you can keep the fun going for quite a while.
Relationship with a Cougar Rule 1 – Don’t Let Her Sleep Over
This one is tough for a number of reasons. For one, after a woman has first had sex with you, she often is a little paranoid about being kicked to the curb. This is because there are a lot of guys who do regularly kick women to the curb after sex. They tell them whatever they want to hear, and then once they ejaculate, they start getting dressed and send them home, and never call them again. You don’t have to understand why guys do this. Just know it happens enough for women to be on their guard.
When you let a woman sleep over after having sex with her, the emotional connection to you cements in her mind, and she feels very comfortable and happy being with you. It also simulates how it feels to be in a loving romantic relationship where you live together.
You might also enjoy having her sleep over as well. It is nice to fall asleep in each other’s arms, sharing long breaths, mixed in with occasional spurts of hot sex in the middle of the night.
However, you are playing with fire here. The more emotional connection you build with her, the more complicated it will be to keep this as a “sex only” relationship.
The less time you spend together outside of straight-up sex, the better. Some women will take care of this for you and hop out of bed almost immediately. You’ll go to the bathroom to take your condom off,and when you get back, she’ll be fully dressed with her hair straightened. You’ll be stunned at how fast she’s up and out of there.
However, other women enjoy the post-sex moments as much or more than the actual sex itself, so they’ll want to cuddle for quite a while. They want to nuzzle into you, put their hand on your chest, and relax.
An easy way to cut this down is to set an arbitrary amount of cuddle time for after sex, and make it different for each time. Sometimes make it 20 minutes, other times 45 minutes, and sometimes a half hour. Don’t make it exactly the same each time, or you’ll get a complaint of “What the fuck, you always kick me out 30 minutes after!” They do notice you eyeing the clock, so be careful not to make this too obvious.
Relationship with a Cougar Rule 2 – See Her Only Once a Week
This gets difficult as well. If it’s been a while since you’ve had regular sex, you’re going to want to fuck this new woman as much as possible. If you’re doing your job in the bedroom as well, she may want to come over the next day for another round. And it’s fun. The only drawback at first seems to be that you have to spend the extra $2.00 and wash your sheets more often.
However, just like letting a cougar sleep over, seeing her multiple times in a week results in the deepening of emotional connection, and emotional connection becomes emotional attachment very quickly. It might feel just like fun at first, but it quickly gets complicated. If you mix seeing her multiple times a week with her sleeping over, then you’re compounding the attachment at an exponential level.
There is even neurological research that suggests that when you sleep with someone often enough, your brain chemistry forms “pair-bonds” and makes romantic attachment almost inevitable, especially on the woman’s side.
Ideally, you can avoid this by simply being very busy, or at least acting very busy. Most women aren’t going to say, “When are you free to hang out this week?” They’re going to say, “Want to come over?”on a Wednesday, with little or no notice. It’ll probably be with a text message too. Say, “Hey, I’m working on a project,” or “I’m out with some friends, can’t.” She’s not going to ask again the very next day, since she doesn’t want to look too needy or desperate.
If she is more of a planner and tries to schedule, then it can get a little more difficult. Ideally, you could set a weekly slot with her, but a lot of women will be offended at being your “Ms. Wednesday.” A cougar you’re sleeping with will likely imagine that you have a woman for every night of the week, and she’s not important enough to get the Saturday slot.
So while I say to see her once a week, you can actually keep a 5-9 day difference between your booty call dates. Try not to get below five days in between, or you get dangerously close to seeing her twice a week.
You have some built-in excuses depending upon your line of work. If you are an entrepreneur, or work in a profession where you take work home, you can always say you have a project to finish when she calls you to come over.
If you are an employee who reports to a boss, or you manage a busy office, you can leverage that as an excuse for why you can’t sleep over. You can always say, “The tension is really thick in the office today.Someone just got fired for being late,” so she won’t take it personally that you’re unavailable.
I’m giving you some white lies to tell, and they’re only as necessary as you need them to be. Ideally, you can just stand firm and just tell her you can’t make it (for no reason) or are busy. You can also just say that you have trouble sleeping with someone else in the bed (which is true for a lot of men).
Whatever you do, be careful about any explicit talks about not seeing her or sleeping over because you don’t want the relationship to get complicated. There’s an unfortunate law of the universe where if you talk about foreseen complications between you and her, the relationship gets complicated even faster. She’ll also, of course, deny that anything bad could happen from you two hanging out so much.
Relationship with a Cougar Rule 3 – Avoid Social Phone Calls and Texts
This is especially important for you “nice guys” that actually like the woman you’re sleeping with and care about her. If you have a big heart, you will find yourself caring about how your cougar is doing and feeling during the week. Even though you don’t want to date her, she has a special place in your heart, and you enjoy talking to and connecting with her. I’m one of those people, and believe me, this is one part of life where being a caring individual will bite you in the ass.
Aside from a flirty text here and there, and calling to schedule a booty call, you need to stay off the phone with her. Calling to ask how her day was, or to tell her a funny story about what happened at work, will just build that sweet emotional connection that gets hurtful in the end. She begins seeing the relationship as “ambiguous” and will wonder if more is going on.
There are two parts to keeping this under control. First of all, make sure you do your part and not call her to “chat” or text her with anything not related to “I can’t wait to feel your body tonight.”
The second part is handling things correctly when she calls or texts. Get an ear for when she’s texting in “chat” mode vs. “scheduling” mode. If she’s in chat mode, wait six hours before responding back to her.There’s very little conversation that can get through at that rate, especially when you take sleep time into account.
If she calls in chat mode, then get off the phone as quickly as possible. Talk for just a couple minutes,and then let her know you’re in the middle of something. If you can flawlessly keep phone calls under three minutes, you should be good to go. After you’ve gotten off the phone with her, she’s not likely to call you back again that day, or the day after, because she’s not going to want to look too needy or desperate.
Relationship with a Cougar Rule 4 – No Dates Outside the Bedroom
Your booty-call dates should only take place at your home or hers, and should involve no “bonus” other than a glass of wine. The glass of wine is optional, and ideally is cut out after a while. Having a drink together is something that the cougar needs sometimes though, so don’t feel like you always have to turn it down.
However, once you start going to public places together, it gets a lot more “coupley.” You might not always have a choice here. There was one older woman I was sleeping with that always insisted on having an “outside event.” She said if I just came over, had sex, and left, she’d feel like a prostitute. She said, “I’m not asking you to date me, there just has to be something beyond sex. We have to be at least… friends or something.” So sometimes we’d go to eat. Sometimes we’d get dinner. Sometimes a drink or movie, etc.
I somehow managed to stretch this to the six-month mark, but it was a continuous re-management of expectations. Every once in a while she’d start complaining again how she felt like she was “servicing”me and that she needed more “outside bedroom time.”I bring this up so you can understand that the relationship framing is not black and white. There is some wiggle-room, and sometimes a woman will simply not continue to sleep with you if you don’t meet her half-way or part of the way. Just don’t give her a free pass to set the terms of the relationship. If you get into the habit of doing things on her terms instead of yours, you lose a lot of power in the relationship. However, you’ll still be getting laid in a Relationship with a Cougar